Offsides. Buggering. Penalty: 20 yards

Primates of the Anglican Church declared today that they want the US and Canada to step out of the game, get right with God and ban homosexuality in the church. Really? Let me get this straight. The Anglican Church, aka: the Church of England, founded by the King of England because the Pope wouldn't let him divorce his wife (and went on to execute two of his next five wives). We're talkin' the 'small-c' branch of Catholicism which allows for priests to marry, drink, procreate, and divorce -- that church? The same institution whose titular head, Prince Charles the Windower, is about to marry his longtime mistress and put her face on a stamp? To be fair, not all Anglicans are Church of England, but the CofE does seem to be the driving force behind this movement, which does kind of make it a political act. You see, funny thing: the so called 'gay marriage' is all the rage among neoconservatives in the US right now, and the Church of England, while holding only two of 38 votes in the Anglican family, enjoys 26 seats in the British House of Lords -- 24 bishops and 2 archbishops -- who are presented and approved to the church -- appointed, if you will -- by none other than the Prime Minister. That would be Tony Blair, and I don't remember any of these amoral shills lifting a finger to prevent the PM from prosecuting a contrived war in Iraq. This "moral high ground" crap is really getting old. Crusade: yes, Buggering: no? We'll pick our bishops, thanks.

Tastes Like Chicken

Yo -- Chiron: where the fuck is my flu shot? How much did you contribute to the Bush fund? What a great way out of the social security dept: let the old people die. "Did you see what God just did to us?"

New, from parts of the world that can't seem to separate their chickens from pigs, the 2005 Avian Flu. Welcome! Threatening to sweep the world in a nasty pandemic, this particular strain is clocking in at a 72% mortality rate. And Chiron, the firm contracted by the US to produce half of the worlds vaccine suuply, get's busted for operating a factory so contaminated that every dose it manufactured had to be destroyed, the factory shut, and its license to manufacture revoked? Way to go, you CDC subserviant pharma-rich bastards -- we could have gotten out in front of this thing, but it was not to be. Oh -- by the way, it looks like you're about to off the Pope.